Humor of the Month

Yeah, I haven't made a humor post in a long time, but this time its different. Instead of posting something funny about bacon, it is about resumes. Supposedly from the joke itself, these are real statements found on resumes.

Extracts from Funny Resumes

1. 'I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.'

2. 'I have lurnt Word for Widows, computor operations and spreasheet progroms.'

3. 'I received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.'

4. 'Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.'

5. 'Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.'

6. 'Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.'

7. 'It's best for employers that I not work with people.'

8. 'Let's meet , so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience.'

9. 'You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.'

10. 'Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.'

11. 'I was working for my mom until she decided to move.'

12. 'Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.'

13. 'I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.'

14 'I am loyal to my employer at all costs....Please feel free to respond to my résumé on my office voice mail.'

15. 'I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing. '

16. 'My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.'

Teaching Positions

Karina Stratton wrote on the H-4 Google group the following job openings:

*Hey All - This is where I work - It's a great place - feel free to contact
me as well if you have questions. -Karina Stratton*
**
*Stillwater** Academy***

11175 S. Redwood Rd.

South Jordan, UT 84095

484-9911 (phone)

302-7954 (fax)

Marilyn Prettyman, Principal

Stillwater is a private high school associated with a therapeutic program
for at-risk youth. The students are in therapy throughout the day and
attend high school from 3:30 p.m. to 6:45 p.m. Monday though Friday and 9:30
a.m. to 1:00 p.m. on Saturday.

It is a great place to work; you actually are able to teach. If there is a
problem with a student, it is quickly resolved with the help of the program
counselors.

We are in need of two teachers right now.

1. P. E. Teacher

- Must be certified in physical education.
- Will teach on Fridays (3:30 to 6:45 p.m.) and Saturdays (9:30 a.m.
to 1:00 p.m.).
- Will teach three classes of about 10 – 12 students in each class.
- Must respect and enjoy young people.
- Will plan activities that will help the students develop lifetime
fitness.

1. Spanish Teacher

§ Must be certified to teach Spanish in high school.

§ Will teach on Monday through Thursdays. (3:30 – 6:45 p.m.)

§ Will teach two classes a night.

§ Must respect and enjoy young people.

§ Will do more than just teach the lesson in the book and have the
students do worksheets. The classes will be small which will allow for a
lot of conversation and real-life situations to teach the language.

If you are interested, please email a resume to
marilyn.pretty...@gmail.comand set up an appointment for an interview.
Please pass this message on to anyone who might be interested in applying
for the position.

Any teachers, take notice and apply if you are interested.

Making Good first Impressions

I just stumbled upon and article I read earlier this year, which actually helped me succeed in all of the interviews I had earlier this year. It is from the Art of Manliness, which is a site I read from time to time. One particular piece of advice that helped me was about giving an impressive handshake. This element in the interview is key to making sure they seriously consider you for the job.

Link

Matthew Piccolo at his work has some positions available:

Sutherland Institute has three new job opportunities for individuals
dedicated to our mission and governing principles.

The positions are:

Media Relations Coordinator
Community Relations Manager
Development Manager

To learn about each position and to apply, please go here:

http://www.sutherlandinstitute.org/newsletter/newsletter.asp?n=98

Free free to e-mail me with any questions.

matthew c. piccolo

Don't hesitate to contact Matthew at justandholy@gmail.com if you are interested.

Teaching Position

Jessica Jo Stenquist posted on the H-4 google group a job opening:

Hello All!
Washington Elementary is looking to fill a teaching position for a 4th&5th
grade teacher (the grade is combined). The school is a title one school with
lots of Road Home kids and Refugee kids. It's challenging but it's fun! THEY
ARE LOOKING TO START YOU IN JANUARY!!!

They are also looking to fill a PT position for someone to come in the
mornings and do the attendance logs. If you're in school looking for
somethin a little extra and your time allows a few hours or less in the
morning then it would be a great option!

You can contact me or the school and let them know you heard it from me
(reference me as the School Counselor Intern :)

--
Jessica Jo

If you are interested, please contact Jessica at jessicajos.mail@gmail.com